Wynn Helms, M.A.

Buddy Chronicles

The Buddy Chronicles…

Chapter 5: Buddy and the Decision

She was excited at the idea of bumping up the Buddy relationship a notch, which meant calling him by his legal name. It had been 3 weeks and he seemed like a solid guy. The only pink flag was early on when he admitted being allergic to cats…they make Sudafed for a reason.
She felt kinda numb—in a good way. This could be “the night”; she was ready. Presentation was a key factor…yes, full makeup was required—there was no taking chances on the lighting at his place. However, having no idea what she thought or felt, it wasn’t easy choosing wardrobe. She finally decided on fashionable and well-fitting jeans, sandals and a not too subtle blush-colored top that was just this side of lingerie. It could be argued that it was more appropriate for a fancy dinner than a barbeque but what the heck. The decision having been made, there was no sense in being coy. She was looking forward to an evening of prime rib, romance and promise.
Gotta do the 4-point check, she thought to herself, lest I forget something important:-purse-phone-perfume-condoms. From experience she knew that leaving the issue of prophylaxis to the guy was a fool’s errand. If the evening turned intimate, she wanted to be ready.
“Wait and see”. She was giving herself advice. “You don’t have to have sex tonight just because it’s been more than 3 dates.” “Don’t force yourself into anything” “Am I wearing too much perfume?” Her thoughts were bouncing around like lottery balls. Would her number hit?
She took a deep breath; the door opened before she could knock.
“Hey babe!” This term was new but she liked where things was going. “Come on in and meet everyone.”
She couldn’t stop imagining the future with a man whose name she had said a dozen times in her head but only twice out loud to a friend. Wistful visons seem to falter when she got in his house. She hated his house. It was a “guys” house complete with oversized furniture and bootleg cable. However, in the dream, there was a simple fix: after the quick wedding and long honeymoon they’d buy a different house. Perfect. But for the moment—72” tv and all—this house was simply a dwelling that would quite possibly be the beginning of a wonderful intimate relationship. 
Wait… “Everyone…?” 
“We’re gonna get started in a moment,” he stated proudly with a large grin.
Get started? What? Was he kidding? Had she wasted $50 worth of MAC makeup for a…whatever?
She walked in to find 5 people standing around drinking wine and noshing on crudité. She went from numb to mental bedlam. This was a practical joke, right? 
Everyone else was in business attire. “Please have a seat,” he seemed happy and self-assured; she felt underdressed and nauseous. As he made his way to the front of the room, she noticed that she wasn’t quite diggin’ his walk any more. “Thanks everyone for coming. Before we eat I want to give a special thank you to our Diamond Members who have sold $10,000 worth of product in the last 6 months. Come on up front.” The applause and the “yay”ing was way too loud for this to be a dream and more upsetting than a nightmare. 
Is this happening? As she recapped the conversations she had had with Buddy about dinner plans. Come to think of it, there really was no mention of “romance” or even “being alone” together. Just as her heart and stomach dropped, she turned her head to see pamphlets, brochures and products displaying the Amway Corporation logo. 
She’d been Amway ambushed! Wtf? 
“I’d like to introduce a special friend and hopefully our next member!” Applause and some woo-whoo’ing. “Let’s go out back, get some food and continue with the meeting.” 
The shock had still not set in. Could it be that she was the new friend/next member? He finally pulled himself away from his duties and came over to her. “Hey. I hope you’re hungry; I outdid myself tonight!”
He sure the “F” did… Her brain was racing. What had she missed? Were the “go ahead” signals there? Did she make them up because she wanted this “relationship” so badly? She was irritated and very embarrassed. Her romance radar used to be better.
[Note to self:  after a trip to Baskins Robbins for 3 scoops of Gold Metal Ribbon ice cream, re-write online dating profile to include: not interested in business opportunities or pyramid schemes.]

Ashli Brown